What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
