i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize