Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
