i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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