I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
