It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
false alarm. still invincible.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
