i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
