Jerry, you need to find god
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
