My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
