my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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