Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Pappa wants mamma naked
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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