Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
