They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
