he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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