I want to walk on stilts...naked
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
be right there i have to get my cape
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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