i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
