Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
