Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
