Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
