Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
