saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
