i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
And then he peed in my hair
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