Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
