I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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