I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
