theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
