; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
