I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
