Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
