i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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