Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
