Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
This is classic penis vs brain.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize