and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
