i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
