is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
