Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
