I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
