i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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