Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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