I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
