I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
