It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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