Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
