Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
