She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Boobs are out for the taking
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
