Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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