Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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