I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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