I met the friendliest cop last night
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
