I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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