Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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