Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
