I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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