Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The Olympian is in my bed
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
