the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
