we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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