well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Randomize
