Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
When are your genitals available?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize