why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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