you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize