I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
