If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
