Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Randomize
