You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
