I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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