Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
