it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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