She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I think I won the penis lottery.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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