You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Barsexuality is the new black.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
