Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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