She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
