Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
