how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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