Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
