You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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