Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
